Tip – managing Chinese SMS on the iPhone

I still have big problems talking to people on the phone, as I discover each time I get one of my daily wrong number calls. This is pretty incovenient, but I’ve discovered an oft-useful workaround of SMS. In written form, when I can take a bit of time and access my suite of tools, I can easily understand everything and usually compose a sensible response as well.

If you use an iPhone, a handy app called PhoneView lets you access all the SMS information pretty quickly from the desktop, which means translation and enlightment are straightforward and hassle-free. I can then compose a reply, but have to type that into the phone. Once I can send an SMS from the desktop, I’ll be very happy. I hope the APIs open up well enough to do that in the future.

An open letter to my cyber-stalker

Dear Stalker,

I know you’re reading this because you mentioned my blogs in the first anonymous email you sent me. I’m glad you took the time to look through my website and blog, my academic history, LinkedIn profile and Facebook page. I don’t think I look like the celebrity you mentioned, but it’s very flattering of you to find a B-grade British celebrity to compare me to. I think you’ll have trouble “tracing my IP address” due to the VPN I use, but you’re right that I live in Jing’an – finding my agent should indeed be easy as you say.

Thank you for the nice photo. You have a nice back. I wonder what the rest of you looks like.

Also, thank you for the thoughtful SMS, though I don’t believe you’re watching me right now like you say.  But you’re welcome to contact me any time. Unfortunately, I like women with nice backs, so if the point of this is to get me to wire money to West Africa, just give me the account number and let’s get it over with.

How about that local sporting team, eh?

I’m trying my best to start a convesation with each cab driver. Occasionally they seem a little hostile, but more often than not they like to chat and the occasional driver is both curious and patient -the guy I had today wanted to know about Australia’s weather, and asked each question three times with different phrasing, casting about for a synonym I’d understand. I was aided yesterday though by a news broadcast about the world cup qualifier that played in the taxi – I said I was Australian and we both gloated over a victory agains the Japanese. If I really want an in with these guys, time to study the domestic league.

I wish I could have a camera at the ready at all times in this town. Last week I was going to the supermarket and a white man in a lounge suit rode a sidecar-motorbike at high speed round the corner, a cigarette hanging jauntily from his lower lip. I’m sure I could have seen the same thing on this street in 1930. What I’d really like to catalogue, though, are the Shanghai residents I refer to in my head as the “don’t give a rat’s” guys – the men who stand on a busy street in their boxer shorts, slapping their bellies causally and scowling, or the man I saw in silk pyjamas going for a stroll at 3pm, with only one slipper on. “Yes, I’m washing my armpits on the sidewalk. So?” Don’t-give-a-rats-guys, I salute you.

There are lots of other cool things about this place. For instance, I’ve never seen an albino in person before, and now in 2 weeks I’ve seen 2-3 in Shanghai. Unless my calculations are incorrect, that means China has infinity more albinos than the rest of the world. That’s pretty cool.

The Chinese word for Vampire is 吸血鬼 (xīxuèguǐ), blood-sucking-ghost. What I like is that if I’d not know the word for vampire and tried to tried to explain it, that’s exactly what I would have said. We were discussing zombies at the time. I knew that word, thanks to a Chinesepod lesson on the subject. I can now discuss zombies and ninjas, but I still have problems at the supermarket. I can’t blame Chinesepod for that, though. To discuss the need for lessons about killer robots and superheroes, I visited their offices last Tuesday. How they find the time to meet all the poddies I don’t know, but they were extraordinarily friendly. Thanks Gulam, Matt, Jenny and John for making me welcome and for producing the content that keeps me coming back.

Finally, I’ve always liked the corn-shaped ice creams, and I always will.

Dude, where’s my f**king car?

Sometimes, there’s more to a sentence than correct grammar, spelling and word order. For instance, I wonder what the owner of this pimped-out Mazda was really trying to say? The label on the door says “Ms. Milky”, which just raises more questions.

It’s right there!

I found the Shanghai equivalent of K-Mart – the French chain Carrefour – and stocked up on appliances and cheap kitchen junk. I’d been shopping a while when I realised I had no car and decided I’d better stop, being uncertain how I’d get my stuff home. In the end I had to call a taxi, which fortunately worked out OK, though he shook his head and tut-tutted while I loaded my ridiculous haul in and out of the boot. Took a few trips up and downstairs to get my stuff into the apartment as well. I think in future I’ll avoid buying more than I can easily carry. Despite this, it’s good to be living the carless city life I’ve always espoused as the ideal, which is sadly unrealizable in Melbourne.

I got a new apartment baby

Moved into the apartment yesterday and no regrets on the choice. Ten minutes from the metro at JingAn temple, a pretty happening area, and the apartment has everything I need including blessed internets through which my voip workstation seems to somehow work unmolested by Shanghai Telecom’s blocks.

Starting from scratch in a new place is harder than I remembered – I need everything from clothes pegs to toilet paper. Ironically, although I found some computer stores, the local shopping centre is full of luxury goods like $300 imported italian toasters and $150 Sheridan towels from Australia. Back home in Clayton, I could pop round the corner and buy cheap Chinese homewares from cheerful Chinese people. Here all I can find is high-end shopping malls and pricey Japanese supermarkets.

Swine-flu free

I think by now I must be the only Melbournian without swine flu. My period of observation by the Center for Disease Control is now over. Now when I cough on the metro I won’t feel so guilty.

I’ve come to enjoy my morning chats with G.L. from the disease centre. I’d joke around that I still hadn’t died from swine flu, and we’d make a little chit-chat, and she’d wish me well until tomorrow. In my parting chat with G.L. she asked if I was staying in China for a while, and I got her phone number and mobile number. Either I am so charismatic that I can charm somebody with one minute of flirting a day, or just the opposite, I’ve convinced her I’m teeming with other pathogens. Kind of makes asking someone on a date a risky proposition when their interest in you may be epidemiological and not romantic.

First you get the power, then you get the money, then you get the apartment

I’ve been in Shanghai a week, and it’s flown by. Despite being robbed, ripped off and singled out as a swine flu carrier, I am having a great time and very excited about what’s ahead. According to plan, I spend most of the week looking at apartments, and saw about 7 or 8. Because I might only be here a few months, choices were more limited, but I got to see enough to keep me going flat out. The highlight was being given a lift by an agent on his moped to and from a property. I really liked Ben the agent, but had to turn down the loft he had on offer and go with a 2-bedroom apartment on the 27th floor in a complex a few minutes walk from the metro in JingAn. Should be quiet, and comes with 2 Ms of Internets. I met the landlord’s whole family, who were obviously very curious about the guy inhabiting their place. They seemed friendly and reasonable.

I had to pay them in cash, as that was the only way they do business. Getting the cash has been tricky without an ATM card or credit card. I’ve had to have 3 wire transfers sent, one from Mastercard and two via the parents via Western Union. Although it’s fast to send, the paperwork on this end takes hours, and the guy at the bank can’t be happy having to fill in the dozens of forms to have the money transferred to me then converted into RMB. On the other hand, it took less than 5 minutes to open an account and get a UnionPay ATM card. This seems like a great idea as if I lose it I can still get access to my money (presumably) quickly by going to the bank with the original papertwork. In any case I’m hoping to hold out until my ATM card arrives early next week.

I move in on Saturday, which will be a pretty easy process with only one suitcase. After that I can go shopping – as long as I have a pillow to sleep on, the day will be a success.

I still have a few projects left to tackle. First is the Chinese teacher. I’ve found a few classifieds online that look promising and I am setting up interviews for as early as Monday morning. My goal, which is quite aggressive, is an hour a day in the morning of one-on-one tutoring time, with homework in the afternoon, and the day job on either side and in-between. At what seems like the going rate I ought to be able to get daily one-on-one lessons for my three month stay for under $1000. I’m definitely optimistic of some progress under those circumstances.

Other projects are getting a SIM card with EDGE data, buying a bike, getting some cards printed, and my first buzz-cut in China.

Got new prescription sunglasses, which wasn’t an unqualified success. The lenses make me slightly woozy, and I look a bit like an insect-themed superhero. On the upside I met someone named “Echo Zeng”, which sounds like an avant-garde filmmaker or rock star.

A call from the Centre for Disease Control

While I was out apartment hunting today, the Chinese CDC apparently confirmed that somebody on my flight to Shanghai was carrying the dreaded Swine Flu H1N1. The hotel accosted me when I got in and the CDC called me to inquire very politely about my health. They are going to check with me tomorrow. Hopefully if I’m still fine (and I feel great considering the amount of sleep, food and exercise I’ve had which are not enough, barely enough and too much respectively) they’ll give me the all clear to go about my business. If I feel ill, going out and shaking hands with more agents is probably a bad idea.

The temptation to wear a mask and cough on the subway is quite strong.