葵花凤头鹦鹉回答：“怎么兴奋啊？火灾很厉害。好在这次火没有扩展 !一个很大的火灾能毁灭我们的树林！”

胖胖也劝毛毛不提到火灾。“有某些动物记起来很严重的过去的火灾。你应该多体贴。” 终于毛毛停止谈论火灾。可是他的脑子仍然在考虑。

可惜，一天以后，毛毛获得一盒火柴。他心中想：“我点很小的火。” 他要提醒自己以前的火灾怎么样。他首先悄悄离开他的树，找树林的一个安静的角。好像他自己知道他会干调皮的一件事。

他擦了一根火柴。明亮的火，那么有趣！另外一根，很好玩！另外一根，另外一根。。。。。毛毛想知道，一个叶子会不会燃烧？ 他把一片叶子摘下来了。紧张，他拿叶子，拿火柴，把他们放得更近。。。。。

你知道吗，桉树叶子有很特别的一个特点？ 里面它们有很多桉树油。桉树油的气味很香，对感冒不错。桉树油也很易燃的。毛毛赶忙知道了。

噼啪！叶子马上被烧掉了。毛毛发现这个结果很满意。他拿另外一片叶子。噼噼啪啪！这次毛毛的爪子被一点儿烧得焦糊，d他扔掉了燃烧着的叶子。但是其他的叶子赶快着火。毛毛的短的胳膊够不到烧着的叶子。他突然恐慌了。他了解他没有办法灭活，决定爬下树为了营救自己！

毛毛到地面以后，他闻到烟。他应该做什么？ 他考虑回家，隐藏自己。然后他记起来朋友的话：“一个很大的火灾能毁灭我们的树林！” 可怜的毛毛想象他的家，他的朋友胖胖都被烧掉。他决定，最好是叫消防队。

“火灾！火灾！消防队！” 其他的动物匆忙得从他们的家跑出来了。他们看到燃烧的树就开始叫消防队。不久消防队来了，6只鸸鹋和一只很大的红色的袋鼠。好在他们很快能灭掉火。

人群聚拢来了。毛毛感觉很宽慰的，可是马上怕他会收到很严重的处罚。

“你就是毛毛啊？” 那只袋鼠，消防队长，走进了毛毛。毛毛担心地点了头。

“那你是那只很勇敢的考拉！棒极了！要是你没有发警报，火灾一定是很厉害的一件事情。” 他对人群说：“你们都应该学习毛毛的榜样！”

很多动物来祝贺毛毛，他感觉很骄傲了。毛毛看到胖胖怀疑地看着他。毛毛短暂地感到羞愧了。然后一个消防员把他的帽子放在毛毛的头上，毛毛马上忘了他的羞耻。

Illustrations by Avril Jean.

一

毛毛是一只考拉。像所有的考拉他住在澳大利亚的树林。他天天都坐在树上，啃着桉树叶。他的生活又安静又无聊，可是大多数考拉很喜欢这样的生活。

毛毛 (Maomao the Koala)

毛毛就是很懒惰的一只动物，可是他很好奇。他的好朋友是一只非常胖的袋熊叫胖胖。袋熊都住在地底下面。胖胖的地洞在毛毛的树的下面。毛毛很喜欢看望胖胖，问他树林的新闻是什么？因为胖胖住在地上，他常常跟各种各样的动物聊天。

对毛毛来说，树林的新闻从来都很没意思。比如说：一只袋鼠告诉他们哪儿有多汁的草，或者一只鸸鹋认为哪儿是下蛋的好地方。真正兴奋的事情很少见。当咀嚼桉树叶的时候，毛毛总是想着去冒险。

某天上午毛毛爬下了他的树为了跟胖胖聊一下天。突然，他们都听到了很大声的尖叫：“火灾！火灾！”树林里马上到处都是混乱。鸟在天空中很大声地叫，动物向四面八方逃跑。毛毛非常兴奋了。他不久闻到了烟味，也感觉一点怕。

胖胖看起来很担心，可是毛毛问了一只跳动得袋鼠，“火灾在哪里？”

“我不知道！”

毛毛对胖胖说：“我要去看看火！”

胖胖摇了摇头。“你疯了吗？火灾太危险的！你要被烧掉啊?”

正当胖胖回答了，毛毛看到了4只鸸鹋。他们带了红色的帽子和带了一条很长的输水软管。消防员！

毛毛兴奋说：“我跟着他们！再见！”胖胖看起来不可思议得。

考拉是很慢的动物，可是毛毛跑得是出人意外快的。他到了火灾的时候，他看到了一棵很高的树。那棵树在熊熊地燃烧着。毛毛看了火，入迷的。

毛毛看了20分钟燃烧的树。终于消防员灭掉了火。那是毛毛的生活里的最兴奋的一天。他很想成为消防员，但是考拉不适合这样的工作。因为他们住在树上，他们的腿很短，和他们跑得 很慢。鸸鹋的腿好长，袋鼠的速度也非常快。可怜的毛毛肯定是世界上最慢的消防员。而且，毛毛太懒惰了，根本做那么重要的工作。他跑着了回家了，马上告诉胖胖他看到了什么。

English Corner at People’s Park

Many people ask where I’m from (“guess!” is my reply), what I do, how do I like Shanghai, and other such banal but useful topics. I quickly get bored with discussion of my job, and at least half of the people practicing seem to be computer programmers or engineers, which makes the problem worse. We had a discussion about porting the Linux kernel to embedded systems, which is interesting but probably not good vocabulary for a general audience. It’s easy to change the topic, as the speakers aren’t shy – “How much do you earn?”, “Are you married?” and the ubiquitous “Do you want to marry a Chinese girl?” have to be parried (“I’m not rich”, “No”, and some good-natured wisecrack).”Do you like Mao”, “what don’t you like about China”, these questions require more delicate handling and I generally deflect those too.

Some learners have a (literally) encyclopedic knowledge of Australia which borders on the bizarre. A few people have been there, but some have only studied the country’s geography, so will ask me where I’m from, then list the states and territories of Australia and name landmarks near my house. “I’m from Melbourne, MEL-BUN,” I might say, to which the reply might come, “Oh, I like Londsdale Street,” or “Bendigo! Ballarat! Geelong!” Last year in Germany I ran into a woman who lived in Clayton while working for Bosch, and this year met one or two students who studied there at Monash University, so it’s funny to think of that rather unexciting suburb as a world city, but there you go.

There are a few characters – short bandanna-guy (pictured) seems a self-appointed organiser and facilitator, often shepherding reluctant learners and shy children towards expats. A garrulous English teacher claims to have swum the Yangtze for four and a half hours as a child, started English Corner, and can act, sing and dance like a pro. Dissident guy likes to talk only about the poor human rights record of the Chinese Government, causing – perhaps in my imagination – the other learners to glare and shift impatiently.

The kids are especially cute. They are often pushed up by eager parents, dreadfully shy, and then, after overcoming the stage fright, launch into their routine: “Hello-my-name-is-Alice *pant* I-am-in-the-5th-class-where-are-you-from-do-you-like-Shanghai?” Last time, a boy from Harbin who must have been seven or eight years old spoke conversational English with perplexing ease – “Are you married?” “No.” “Oh, so you’re available?”

Perhaps I should be practicing my Chinese, but where else can I simply stand around and have people flock up eager to talk to me, be my friend, and pry about my life? It’s like being a minor actor in an episode of Star Trek show and going to a Trekkie convention, only without the figure-hugging Lycra uniform.

I know you’re reading this because you mentioned my blogs in the first anonymous email you sent me. I’m glad you took the time to look through my website and blog, my academic history, LinkedIn profile and Facebook page. I don’t think I look like the celebrity you mentioned, but it’s very flattering of you to find a B-grade British celebrity to compare me to. I think you’ll have trouble “tracing my IP address” due to the VPN I use, but you’re right that I live in Jing’an – finding my agent should indeed be easy as you say.

Thank you for the nice photo. You have a nice back. I wonder what the rest of you looks like.

Also, thank you for the thoughtful SMS, though I don’t believe you’re watching me right now like you say.  But you’re welcome to contact me any time. Unfortunately, I like women with nice backs, so if the point of this is to get me to wire money to West Africa, just give me the account number and let’s get it over with.

I’ve come to enjoy my morning chats with G.L. from the disease centre. I’d joke around that I still hadn’t died from swine flu, and we’d make a little chit-chat, and she’d wish me well until tomorrow. In my parting chat with G.L. she asked if I was staying in China for a while, and I got her phone number and mobile number. Either I am so charismatic that I can charm somebody with one minute of flirting a day, or just the opposite, I’ve convinced her I’m teeming with other pathogens. Kind of makes asking someone on a date a risky proposition when their interest in you may be epidemiological and not romantic.

I had to pay them in cash, as that was the only way they do business. Getting the cash has been tricky without an ATM card or credit card. I’ve had to have 3 wire transfers sent, one from Mastercard and two via the parents via Western Union. Although it’s fast to send, the paperwork on this end takes hours, and the guy at the bank can’t be happy having to fill in the dozens of forms to have the money transferred to me then converted into RMB. On the other hand, it took less than 5 minutes to open an account and get a UnionPay ATM card. This seems like a great idea as if I lose it I can still get access to my money (presumably) quickly by going to the bank with the original papertwork. In any case I’m hoping to hold out until my ATM card arrives early next week.

I move in on Saturday, which will be a pretty easy process with only one suitcase. After that I can go shopping – as long as I have a pillow to sleep on, the day will be a success.

I still have a few projects left to tackle. First is the Chinese teacher. I’ve found a few classifieds online that look promising and I am setting up interviews for as early as Monday morning. My goal, which is quite aggressive, is an hour a day in the morning of one-on-one tutoring time, with homework in the afternoon, and the day job on either side and in-between. At what seems like the going rate I ought to be able to get daily one-on-one lessons for my three month stay for under $1000. I’m definitely optimistic of some progress under those circumstances.

Other projects are getting a SIM card with EDGE data, buying a bike, getting some cards printed, and my first buzz-cut in China.

Got new prescription sunglasses, which wasn’t an unqualified success. The lenses make me slightly woozy, and I look a bit like an insect-themed superhero. On the upside I met someone named “Echo Zeng”, which sounds like an avant-garde filmmaker or rock star.

The cops were nice and I got to ride to the station in their police car. I’ll write some more about those guys later – the police station was tiny and charmingly casual, with American Idol on the TV and watermelon to be had. That was the highlight of an afternoon dealing with banks and credit card companies on the phone and trying to arrange some food money. Fortunately, I have some emergency cash coming from Mastercard tomorrow, so I won’t starve. It’ll take a few weeks to replace all the cards, and I have to file a travel insurance claim to see what I will get back of what I lost. Losing some photos is always sad.

I got a ride in this car, but it didn't come cheap.

The worst of it is feeling like a sucker falling for the oldest trick in the book on the first day in the country. I’ve managed to travel to countries like China, India, Spain or Panama before without ever falling prey to this, although by being alert I’ve thwarted a couple of attempts in the past. I hope this doesn’t mean I have trouble relaxing in the future – it pays to be alert, but not fearful and paranoid.

I was very, very lucky to have Daisy around to help translate and navigate some of the bureacracy. I hope I can make it up to her – a packet of Tim Tams isn’t going to cut it.

I’m not down on Shanghai or the trip; this could have easily happened in any European capital or even Melbourne. China and Shanghai are still safe places to visit. It’s only stuff. I’d rather be robbed than the more likely scenario of doing myself an injury through clumsiness and having to navigate the Chnese hospital system instead of police stations. Tomorrow I start the apartment search. Going to view one in the morning after I collect my cash.